His Worst Enemy
by mad-marquise
Summary: Vince faces a new adversary in the form of someone who's more cunning than Lance Dior or the Crack Fox; someone who has a very thorough understanding of him. Someone who wants to completely destroy his life. ON HAITUS.


Hello! It's Nikki, and this time I'm bringing a Mighty Boosh fic! I just started watching the show about a week ago, and I've seen almost all the episodes- I LOVE the show so much. So, I've written a fic- my first for this fandom- and it also happens to be my very first multi-chapter! Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh. It belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.

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It was one of those still Sundays- the ones where, even though the weather was nice, no one seemed to be outside. There were scarcely any cars on the road, and even most of the animals seemed to be MIA. Therefore, it made it boring for anyone who hadn't had plans for the day.

Vince Noir happened to be one of those bored people. He'd gotten tired of sleeping in (surprisingly!) and had gotten up at about 10:30 am, which had to be some kind of record for him. He didn't have any engagements that day (the Nabootique was closed for the day, and he had no parties or gigs to attend) and everyone seemed to have gone away on a trip- Naboo and Bollo were on holiday with the rest of the Shaman Council, Leroy was visiting his cousin in America, and even Howard and Lester were a few hours away on a fishing trip.

So, since he had nothing to do, Vince decided to occupy himself by picking out his outfit for the day. It had been hard- I mean, what does a flamboyant electro poof wear when he's just lounging around at home with no one to see him?- but he finally settled on a faded Rolling Stones tee, some red skinny jeans, and a pair of black Converse. He looked at himself in the mirror and fluffed his hair into casual disarray. Pleased with his appearance, Vince headed downstairs into the shop.

"Still can't believe everyone's gone," he murmured to himself as he walked. "It's so _quiet…" _

And indeed it was. While the Nabootique was never a busy shop, right then it seemed a bit...eerie. Without Bollo, Naboo and Howard all in the shop with Vince, the place was pretty much _dead._

Vince shivered at the thought. All alone, in this odd secondhand shop with it's weird little trinkets and the crazy people who always showed up...and there was no one here to protect him if something happened-

"No." Vince ended that train of thought. "No, nothing's gonna happen. I'm just being paranoid, is all...I've never been on my own in the shop before..." _Except when I had to deal with that Crack Fox,_ he thought. But the Fox hadn't really been _scary_ so much as loud and repulsive, but still.

"Alright, I gotta stop thinkin' like this- I just gotta find something do to keep busy..." And so he walked around the shop, rifling through knick knacks and tribal trinkets and other types of foreign junk until he came across a large oval shaped package propped up against the back wall. The paper packaging was a purplish blue color and had glittery stars all over it.

Vince smiled eagerly. "I wonder what this is," he said, marvelling at the pretty design of the packaging. "It looks genius!" He reached out to touch it, but his main "voice of reason"- his lone brain cell- warned him not to.

_"Hey, Vince, I'm not sure you should be messin' around with that,"_ it said.

"Huh? Why not?"

_"Well, d'you remember what Naboo told you? Yesterday, before he left?"_

"I guess..." Vince furrowed his eyebrows in thought, trying to recall what exactly Naboo had said.

_-the day before-_

_"Got everything, Bollo?" Naboo asked. He and Bollo were inside the Nabootique, standing by the front door. A few suitcases were on the floor near them._

_Bollo nodded. "Yeah."_

_"Spare turban?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Spellbook?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Portable hookah?"_

_"Yes, Naboo."_

_Naboo nodded. "Right then." He turned towards the stairs. "Vince! Get down here!"_

_Vince came downstairs after a few moments. "What is it, Naboo?"_

_"Bollo and I are going on the trip with the rest of the Shaman Council- it's just a little vacation. We'll be back on Wednesday."_

_Vince smiled. "Sounds nice. Hope you have a good time." He turned to go back upstairs, but Naboo stopped him._

_"Wait! I'm not finished."_

_Vince turned back around. "What else?"_

_"Tomorrow, a package I ordered should arrive from Shamansburry's. They'll just slip inside and leave it where I told them to. You are _not_ to touch it at all. Understand?"_

_"Yeah, of course."_

_"Good, because the package is very unstable and very dangerous. If I find out you've messed with it, I'll have to turn my back on you."_

_Vince winced at the thought. "Ah. Don't worry Naboo, I won't do anything."_

_"Alright." Naboo nodded, pleased. "See you, then. C'mon, Bollo."_

-back to the present-

"Ohhh." Vince frowned as he remembered. "But I'm so bored! And the thing looks harmless- and it's shiny!"

_"I know," _said his brain cell_, "but..."_

"Come on! Let's just take a quick look! I can wrap it back up afterwards!"

_"Oh, what the hell! Go on then, open it! Can't be all that bad!"_

"Yes!" Vince grinned widely and eagerly tore at the paper on the package. But he didn't get a chance to see what it was that he'd opened, because as soon as all the paper was off, there was a blinding white light, and he blacked out.

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Oooh, cliffhanger! Lol. Hope it wasn't too long! Reviews are love :)


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